apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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