Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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