His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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