i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
