We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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