i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
