just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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