Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize