then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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