please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
