I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
