Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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