why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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