I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
