I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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