i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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