I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
