i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
