Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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