Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
