Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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