It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
