for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
