I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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