i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i dont even know how to be here
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
