I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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