My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
