I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
