Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
