Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
