apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
