Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
