I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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