You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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