how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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