My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
