she looked like the before picture.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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