its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
