Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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