god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
