I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
