Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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