I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
