i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How external is "for external use only"?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
