I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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