I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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