I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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