Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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