I heard we made out
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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