i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
