If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
