We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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