If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
