he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
