how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This house was built for laser tag.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
