Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sobbing to NWA
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
