Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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