I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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