I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
