i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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