i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
