I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
