Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize