Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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