so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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