I'm so fucking centered right now
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
