No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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