I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize