my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
